I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
