Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
