May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
