Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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