I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize