just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
