Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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