Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
