What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
