I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
