$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
