She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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