I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
