you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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