GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize