it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
