My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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