I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize