Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
