It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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