Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
