I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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