apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
