it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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