Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
