also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
