dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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