why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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