the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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