to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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