omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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