your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
