i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm always down for nudity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
