i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
