whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
