We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
