took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
