Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
