I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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