Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
