We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
