There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
