I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We are two peas in an std pod
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize