you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
