drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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