I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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