matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
