meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
