Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's never too late to be topless.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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