Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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