You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
