She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
