i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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