I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
