No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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