Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
