i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
