I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
