youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
