I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
