Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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