I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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