I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
