Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
NoShamevember. You game?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize