The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
