everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The Olympian is in my bed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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