He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
