When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
