Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
