So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
