I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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