mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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