I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
