How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
