I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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