Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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