I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
