She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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