...so i touched it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
