I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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