i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
