I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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