This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
