So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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