If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
