Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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