the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
