For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
