Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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