I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
