Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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