420 ftw
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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