i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
